Jay Leno - Part One

"Quick, Funnyman! Evil Jay is confused by his own joke!" "His defenses are too strong... too...unfunny! He's invincible against funny!

   Jay Leno shouldn't be popular. He's horrible. If funny was a super hero it's arch villain would be Jay Leno. They would fight for control of Metropolis in an epic battle to the death and frankly, I don't know if funny has a chance. How did Leno get this job? This is a PRIME slot for zany actions! This show should be hilarious! It's an awesome timeslot. Tons of people watch. But why? It puzzles me. Letterman is better, by far, (but he's still not that great) and Leno's show does better.. Conan O' Brien is amazingly funny. So they put him on so he's on till 1:30 am. That's crazy. He should have the tonight show and Leno should have the weekly appearance at the Laugh Hut. To sweep up after the comedians are done.

   He tries so hard. At the start of the week he makes up 5 jokes, he then proceeds to use them over and over and over as the week goes on, adding them to his other 10 running jokes.

Jay Leno looks so happy. Maybe he's not such a bad guy after- hey what's that?! Jay's soul collection has escaped and is trying to exact revenge!

For six months straight every other joke he did ended with a Clinton, Monica Lewinsky reference. It didn't matter what he was talking about. He'd find a way to fit it in. Like a little kid with the block shapes that go into the matched shaped holes. "No little Jay. That's a star hole! Only put the star shaped block in there! That's a circle!" But he'll try to fit it in anyway and ram the joke into your face Over and over again. While a differnet joke would fit in nicely, he sticks to his circle shaped joke. Even kid's that can't eat on their own figure out that the shapes can only be put into certain holes. Why can't he realize he can only use certain jokes certain times? He still brings it up at least once a week. It'll never stop being hilarious in Jayworld. He's far from a cutting edge comidian. My old public high school's text books were more up to date then Leno, and they didn't even know if we'd manage to overpower the red menace of the Soviet Union. Then he had Robert Downy Jr.'s drug problem for a while. You can NEVER get tired of jokes about someone's drug problem. Man lucky for him he didn't get cancer! Leno would have nailed him with hilarious zingers then for sure! Maybe show a hilrious sketch were there is hair on the ground and he can say "oh looks like Robert Downy Jr had chemotherapy around here!" Now he's got Jenna Bush being arrested for underage drinking. Over and over again he mentions this. I'm sure there's a drinking game in this somewhere. Every time Leno makes fun of someone with a drinking problem, drink.(NOTE: do NOT attempt this if you're famous. He'll just make you his running the next day and you'll hear about it for months)

"Hey, Kevin. Monica Lewinsky just shot Robert Blake's wife at Jenna Bush's drinking party!

Hahahahahaha! ...I don't get it.

   His band leader, Kevin is clueless. He doesn't seem to get anything. He just sits there and laughs with a vacant look in his eyes. He is Leno's laugh track. He'll just laugh and laugh and laugh. And let's not forget the hilarious "Jay-likes-the-Lakers-and-Kevin-likes-the-Sixers" conversations. "Hey Kevin! I like the Lakers because they have a better chance of winning" "HAW HAW HAW nah Jay ha ha ha" or "Hey Kevin i heard you were a big Laker's fan!" "What? Jay I'm a Sixers fan!" "No no let's take a look at _____(insert Kevin yesterday or Kevin's car or something) And then up comes ______ only HILARIOUSLY covered in Laker's merchendice! Ha ha! Aw Jay!

   Now I didn't watch the old pre-Leno tonight show much, it was a little before my time of deciding that normal sleeping habits are for suckers, but from what I did see of it Johnny Carson was hilarious. It seemed like a very high quality show and well worth watching. I guess they got tired of that angle and wanted to try a different theme. Maybe it's just a big test to see if people will keep watching it even if it's not funny at all. Saturday Night Live is doing the same thing. Soon they'll combine their efforts and just have a TV show that comes over and kicks you in the balls for watching, or if you're a girl kick you in the face or make you grow balls just so they can kick them. And you know what? This show will captivate the nation and become the number 1 watched hit and then the Chinese will finally know it's time to strike. All because of Jay Leno and his endless crusade against all that is funny.

~Kid Hollywood