Old Drivers

Today lets discuss a topic that quite frankly scares the shit out of myself and those around me. When elderly people get behind the wheel. (opinions formed by a) riding with grandparents for most of my life b) working in a parking lot 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and c) being a licensed driver.)

Case one, the open road. Being 17 years old, I feel that I need to get everywhere as fast as possible. I know exactly where it is I need to go, I'm not distracted by yardsales, dying animals, stop signs, or pretty flowers. I get in the car and I get to wherever I need to go as fast as possible. Old people don't do this, they do a minimum 13 under the speed limit and seem to be engrossed in their surroundings while they drive. "Holy shit, that yard has blue flowers, let's stop and take a peek!" It's like most of there actual lives have become a boring walk through life and they gain an unhealthy attention too stupid shit around them.

Case two, the vehicle of transportation. If you're in advancing years, then you don't want a huge, bulky, and fucking hard to drive tank. You'd want something, small, nimble, and somewhat easy to drive. Right, so why in the hell do the elderly always purchase the likes of Towncars, Crown Victoria's, Grand Marquis, La Sabres, and Cadillacs? There really couldn't be a worse thing for them to transport themselves in. I'm told it's like a sense of old person pride, the bigger your car the more respect you gain from those also at your old age. It's like, "Hey, look, I'm old, I don't know what to do with my money, I'll buy a huge-ass car because I can." Along with these cars some increased accidents, my grandpa has hit 2 people and not even known it due to the size of his car. He decimated the back of a civic by just tapping it...while just getting a scratch on his car. I don't know why they can't be happy with anything smaller than like a Camry.

Case three, the parking lot - This is the worst of them all by far. Due to their decreased reactions and senses, old people simply do not fair well in parking lots. I'll share a slight accident I witnessed not too long ago. Two old people, one in a white Crown Vic and the other in a silver 3.2TL, simultaneously backed out of a parking spot, rear-ended each other, and drove off without ever knowing. I was like "holy shit." Both had reasonably sized dents in their cars that appeared to be beyond repair. Aside from that, I've been tapped/hit by old people drivers a total off 11 times. Don't think that's enough? It was also in broad daylight, and I was wearing a neon green reflective vest. 5 out of the 11 failed to notice that they ran over my foot or backed into me, they just kept going. This forces me to conclude that, when backing out, old people firmly grasp the wheel with both hands, they do not look behind themselves, and they sit back and hope for the best. Not acceptable.

What do we do about this? Simple, take the drives license away at age 63. No tests to see if they can still drive, no special pardons for like the president or some shit, just take it away and never give it back.

~Red Dragon