Beowulf-a-sitis

    I wanted to write about monopoly. I mentioned it to Mozilla and he ran with it. REVENGE IS MINE TONIGHT! I have my board game experience and I shall put it to use! I even made my own game once for my 11th grade English class! We had the option of making a game or writing some essay, or some fool thing like that, on the amazing journeys of Beowulf! Being quick to realize that making a game is easier then writing an essay and falls into the same category as making a diorama or finger painting, I choose to make a game. It had the clever name of "Beowulf-a-sitis" and the slogan "Anglo-Saxon fun for everyone!" It's already a masterpiece. To make the game I took the board from a board game so amazing it's known simply as "Sorry." So anyway I covered the board with brown paper and cut little squares of printer paper out. These would be spaces. The rest of the equipment was a set of playing cards, the spinner from the game of life and two playing pieces. The playing pieces were the embodiment of an Anglo-Saxon hero. I took two Sorry pieces, because everyone knows that every famous person had an exact replica of himself trying to do the same things he was only faster, and glued a toothpick sword and button shield on them, and they were bitching. Needless to say both toothpicks fell off before my English class.

    The rules were as follows (exact from my paper, I wrote it the day the project was due. I took four sheets or so of printer paper to school and cut them up and made the spaces that day too. I was that kind of student. The only thing I did at home was put the brown paper on the board, tape a fancy button on the board and outfit two game pieces from sorry with weapons of amazing powers):

"Pick a piece and place it on start. Your goal is to be first to make it to the end. To do so you take turns pulling a card out of the deck. If you get a red card move one space. Black card go two. (Yes, folks this was an English assignment.) When a square says "Stop" you must stop and do what the square says. When you see it tell you to spin a certain amount or higher take out the spinner and try if you don't get it try again you next turn until you do. (Let me remind you this is an English assignment. I got an A- on it. Must have been the slogan) You may not go on until you get the required spin. Have fun. (Thanks Mike! Don't mind if I do!)

Beowulf-a-sitis    
Anglo-Saxon fun for everyone."

    So now you know the rules. The spaces were set in the shape of a 2 only with straight lines. Fifteen spaces total. Seven were blank or had little arrows on them, in case you got lost or had down syndrome. I'll tell you the order of the spaces now so you can make your own copy of Beowulf-a-sitis, Anglo-Saxon fun for everyone! Bottom right corner, "<-Start" space, blank space, "Stop, Fight Grendal save Geats and brag to Unferth" I have no fucking clue who this Unferth character is but bragging to him feels so nice. "Spin foovor higher" I'm gonna assume that's a four. I have sloppy handwriting. Especially when I write things in class minutes before they're due. After that space, "Go Again" then blank pointing up, blank pointing up, no stop on this on but "Enter swimming match. (I bet it's against that cock Unferth.) Spin five or higher and go again." Our journey up is over now we go to the right. Blank space with no arrow, no stop "Find magic sword. Add one to every spin you make" Unfortunately there was no magic sword piece. You just had to remember you had it, or somehow imbed magical properties into one of the toothpicks, that you left at start since the glue didn't hold. Next we have a STOP space! "Stop, Fight Sea Monster" Uh oh! sounds like trouble! "Spin three or higher" Keeping in my that the Game Of Life game spinner went up to 10 and with the magic toothpick it went from 2 to 11. Very good chance at passing this one. Much better then the last. It's not that the Grendal is harder then the sea monster. It's just so hard to brag to Unferth properly. Next is a blank space pointing up and our journey up begins again! Blank space pointing up, blank space without an arrow, stop space! "Stop, Fight Grendal's mom, Spin 8 or higher" Now that's a kick in the balls. Your chances aren't so hot here. You're gonna get beaten up by Grendal's mommy. I can almost hear Unferth laughing from here. The next space is my personal favorite. "Be a Beo-champ! Almost there!" Not only are my games fun, they're encouraging! Two spaces left! To get past the last space you have to "Pull a face card (King, Queen, Jack) or Ace and advance. (My game is down syndrome friendly) This brings you to the last space! "Congradulations! (Yes I spelled it wrong. It wasn't corrected. It's not why I lost points either.) You go on to rule as a king for a few years but end up dying childless because of a dragon." Those fuckers never put out. They always have a headache.

    Not only did this game get an A-, but it was on the wall in class for months. Which goes to show you public education is much better then it's given credit for. However on a sad note, this game was never actually played. That isn't all bad news though, it makes me the ONLY Beo-champ around!

~Kid Hollywood